Why is it so hard to please you God??

So this blog is not for those who have it altogether. Those perfect people who had better home training…hahaha!!! Then there are those of us who could just procrastinate to the end of the earth, laziness just won’t let us be great…..Chaley! Those of us who already know what to do, what God has asked us to do but won’t just get off our asses to do it. Those of us who aren’t faithful with the new year resolutions (to read more books, to manage our time well, to exercise, to eat better, to save more e.t.c). We try and try and fail so many times. We long so much to just get our lives together and have a perfect routine and be better adults. We even might just be in positions where we counsel others about this stuff… Haha! If the sin you’re struggling with isn’t any of those lying, cheating, fornication etc but those which I have just mentioned above, first of all know this “GOD LOVES YOU AS HE FINDS YOU”. Usually when we realize these flaws in us we get into self-reproach mode… God doesn’t join you in that… No HE LOVES YOU STILL and you know what, His love is too good to leave you in that state.

Secondly, do a thorough check, there is a difference between you of last year and now even if it is the most minute… You have grown. My dearest one is always dropping bombshells for me to learn from and he dropped one recently..”GOD ALWAYS DOES A THOROUGH JOB”. Yes people, Abba does a thorough job!!!! Find hope in that, keep trusting, this love that doesn’t make sense is exactly who Abba is. And he is going to love you into wholeness. Because we want to draw the world to him, don’t give up the desire to grow, just keep holding onto his love, whilst you keep surrendering and keep staying in his plan.

I pray with great faith for you , because I’m fully convinced that the One who began this glorious work in you will faithfully continue the process of maturing you and will put his finishing touches to it until the unveiling of our Lord Jesus Christ! Philippians 1:6 TPT

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Remembrance

Torah-Messiah| Faith, Hope and Trust| Every part is designed in a work of art called love

Feeling alone, desperate, behind, in lack (basically living) I forgot. I dropped my head and lowered my gaze, I kept looking at the world, I could only see the death and the gory………..I forgot. I knew I was in, I knew where I stood yet I couldn’t really see cause I kept my gaze lowered and sometimes, I would raise my head and catch a glimpse of myself in your eyes but then again I would lower my gaze and start seeing the death again……… I forgot.

I forgot how beautiful the story was, all those times when I kept my gaze only at you, constantly at your face. Those times when I would listen to only you and even hear you in my sleep…. “Mary, wake up”. I forgot how you made me a part of this beautiful love story that found me and drew me to a cross and I could see my name being carved into this beautiful story. All this story has called me to do is trust, have faith and hope cause if I keep my gaze away from your eyes I would see all of the enigma, the smoke, the things that look meaningful but are not. And as I raise my gaze back to your dazzling face, I am called to live in remembrance that I am part of it all, and all it makes for is one beautiful love story.

What does this story say: I am chosen, I’ve been atoned for and I am now a child of the kingdom where there is order and justice and in that hope of what is to come designed by your goodness and purity and faithfulness and righteousness, I would find Joy and Peace to take me through this cruel, temporary world.

So I pray for strength to live in remembrance every second, in remembrance of the price you paid to choose me and that you’re not finished yet.

Hallelujah!!!!

He says..”I love you still”

No! Not again…I have woken up late again, I won’t be able to have a proper prayer time, workout and get ready for work in time. 

My love, I’ll be with you all day today, talk to me on the go. Don’t beat yourself up for not working out today, why don’t you try walking as much as can today instead. I love you still..

I have failed to accomplish all that I planned for today. I wasted it doing things I wasn’t meant to do.

Honey, I am not restricted by time. As long as your trust me, I can make up for the time lost. What I am to do through you will surely happen as my words cannot return to me void.

I was just rude to that person, I just had lustful thoughts, I just lied to get out of choir practice.

What does my word say darling, that you are no more condemned. Are you going to stay in your sin consciousness, I do not record these things, do not remember nor even see them. Does it say somethings or nothing can separate you from my love?? Get back you consciousness on the right track “Spirit Conscious”.

How often do we beat ourselves down and allow condemnation to creep in, would you rather lose to the fleshly noise or listen to His voice, get back up and trust in his unending love cause only then can the growth occur. Loved people walk in power, be hopeful that the work he has started in you he will finish!

For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come,  Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Romans 8:38‭-‬39 KJV

http://bible.com/1/rom.8.38-39.KJV

In a grace receiving position

Hello priceless gems, yes you reading this are a priceless gem in ABBA’s eyes😊. It’s the last day of 2016, the year this blog came to fruition 👏💃😃and mehn, has 2016 just been another round of being “broken to be molded again” (I have a post on that topic). My last lesson for this year though is that I need to constantly stay in a grace receiving position. What do I mean by that, remember the story of the woman who wiped Jesus feet with her hair. Jesus said something powerful at that dinner “he who is forgiven much loves much” Luke 7:47. I picked up something very vital to my walk with my heavenly father from this, that I remain in the position of one who has been forgiven much. I don’t mean I keep sinning knowing he would forgive me, but rather remembering I can do nothing for him and staying in a position of receiving his love and grace. This is what kept me sane this year. Oh Abba knows the many fights we had this year😂, the many times I would not listen to him or just completely block his voice out and then come back crying my eyes to him and still somehow get reassurance that I’m still in his plan and he’s still using me. I had made plans and no one(not a single one) came to fruition, I pouted so much but after all my stubbornness I would eventually come back and I would find wide open arms waiting to hear about all my frustrations and then reminders that his plans for me are the best and that he has me where needs me putting in me needed attirbutes for what he has in store. So yes, at the end of it all I’m still so thankful and have no regrets in 2016. Because I kept receiving from a father who was willingly giving. He gave me you guys, willing to read my rantings and talk about how inspiring it was and how it blessed you. He gave me a wonderful partner and friend who although was stretched way more than me this year still gave me so much attention than I deserved and never once let me down❤. He gave me an incredible one week experience in Botswana😊. I enter 2017 with the heart of that woman wiping the feet of Jesus with her hair, saying “Thank you so much, Abba“😍😍.

Happy new year😘🎉🎉😊

His Love chases us

​So it’s been 60 days since my last post (I’m sincerely sorry for that)😔 but here is why. For the past two months nothing went as planned, I had an expectation, had many plans based on that expectation only to be disappointed time and time again. Now even though I had it at the back of my mind that everything works together for my good and I kept telling myself all sorts of reassuring words to keep me going, I still subconsciously allowed my feelings and circumstances put me in a slump. I literally stopped living, I would wake up and spend my days watching Korean series, sleeping and eating. I had no motivation to do my research, somedays I would exercise just so I don’t get too fat cause I knew my new habits would only lead there. I couldn’t pray or study the word, I kept pushing those to the next day and the day after and so on. I literally shut myself from the world and became an island. But here lies the advantage of having the holy spirit live inside you and a partner/leader who cares first and foremost for your soul, I couldn’t live that way for long. Since I had completely placed all my plans on this expectation, I felt all I had to do was to keep waiting till my expectation came and everything would fall in place but that only made me put myself in place of stagnancy forgetting that I am a tree planted by the seaside which should bear fruit in all season. There was a war raging inside me and I certainly knew I didn’t have my peace, I was losing my hair, having constant headaches and back aches basically all the symptoms of stress even though I was doing nothing every day. Things were also not smooth in my relationship, the communication dwindled and that was completely my fault. So one night I was laying on my bed trying to sleep, and I kept tossing and turning having all my worries flood my mind. Then a thought came that maybe God wants to talk to me at this time that’s why I can’t sleep, so I sat up and immediately I opened my mouth to sing a worship song, the tears started pouring out. I cried my heart out to God, worshipped and prayed in the spirit till peace consumed me. After which I called my boyfriend and Abba being so good, even though it was 1 am, he woke up and we had an awesome fellowship where I was able to see that I am not limited to only one means of being productive. I was reminded that my life is not my own and it’s not all about me so I shouldn’t stop living just because I’m not getting my way.  Soon after, as I started to yield myself to the spirit again my days have gotten better despite the fact that my expectation is still not here. As I am reassured of Abba’s love, my days have started being productive, I am able to get results from my school research, sleep comes easily at night, I don’t seem so tired all the time even with all the activities at hand🙌💪.

When the tide of life gets tough, it can be so easy to fall into depression especially if you are like me who likes to go according to laid down plans but as long as your life is placed in Abba’s hands he certainly would preserve it even from you. It’s just one of the many benefits that comes with living for Jesus. Also I would like to point out that when we in a difficult place in our lives, it’s one thing to just profess as much of the word we know but it’s another thing to profess that word and still make ourselves useful somehow. On that note I want to sincerely apologize to my avid readers who I have kept waiting for so long for a new post. In as much as I do want all my posts to be my personal experiences with exercising my feeding from the tree of life (the word) meaning I won’t just post random posts, that really wasn’t my reason this time. By the grace of God, my difficulties won’t stop me from living anymore.

Fulfilled

It is heard a lot from people who have spent a long time on earth that “what most people want is to just live happy lives”. Since the fall of man, we have let ourselves believe that if we have wealth, companionship, achievement we would be happy. But record have shown those things don’t do the trick though. I know how much I searched for joy in all these things (this was when I mistook joy and happiness to be the same thing). The truth is, it is impossible to be happy always but possible to be joyful always.

We get so busy trying to get these things we think would make us happy that we allow no fruit to be borne out of us. We carry on each day, by and by, do a little raising up of hands to remind ourselves we know a God then go back to looking forward to those temporary happy moments not knowing that we should actually be joyful always no matter how the day turns, whether things turn out the way we had planned or not. Some people use worldly philosophies to deceive themselves in staying happy, while some get themselves so busy with latest happenings just so they don’t get any chance to be aware of the void in them.

Before I found Christ, I never knew how much energy and stress I was putting into doing the wrong things. Then I learned to receive the love that was always there (Abba’s love), learned to love him back and then love myself. Then I began to see how much I tried to please everyone just so I have them around me. I would hold on to relationships that I’ve grown out of, I didnt know that being a friend wasn’t supposed to be stressful. I always wanted to visit people and be visited, but now I realize that I would much rather enjoy quality time with a movie and a nice meal than with people I wasn’t even sure I liked and the list goes on. I’m sure there are definitely people that can relate. People that have not searched their hearts to see that they are engaged in two or more things they don’t even like, but because of the deceit long buried in our minds we overlook the truths in our hearts. It is important to find and acquire a fulfilled life. That life filled with assurance that no matter what life brings, the promises of God are sure because the blood of Jesus speaks for us and we can realize it is indeed possible for one’s joy to always be FULL!!

Abba is awesome😊

Spiritually strong not fat

I’m sure if asked to choose, four out every five people would choose the picture on the left-hand side 😏, being like the right-hand side is even considered unhealthy. A fat person may not be able to hold their ground when pushed and it’s very possible to see a slim, strong person take down a fat person with one blow. Same goes with our spiritual life. Our Abba wants us spirtually strong and healthy cause the life he’s called us to is a great one filled with adventures that would eventually bring glory to his name. Though it’s a restful life, it is also a busy one. Truly if you want to achieve great heights then you have to be ready for the pain it takes to get up there, this is the thinking of every layman. It’s the same concept with the trials we face on this incredible journey. I personally got to understand this when I was going through my isolation period (a time at the beginning of my new life where God had to remove people from my life so I could be able to hear and become familiar with only his voice). You see at this time I just ended a relationship I had literally tied my life (lol, isn’t it funny how we can completely let our lives stop at a very young age all cause of hormones, I was just 20 at the time) and Abba clearly didn’t want to make getting over the guy easy for me cause he was supposed to be graduating but instead I had to see him for another year on campus and in church as well. We were still practically very present in each other’s life cause we tried to remain good friends as we both knew our breakup was for a good cause (I knew but it took a long time to come to terms with it). So I would see this guy almost every day, I would see his spiritual growth which only made him more attractive 😭and then seeing him talk to any girl would make my heart feel like it stopped beating (😂 feelings, I no die Abi?). I was crying almost everyday but thank God I had only Jesus arms to run to and shed all my tears and he would reassure me that I would overcome and with every phase I overcame, I was only getting stronger. As time passed, that was exactly what I saw happen to me. I became more tolerant of his presence with other girls, I began enjoying being by myself cause now I could actually sit with my own thoughts, and being alone just meant God’s voice would be clearer😊. People started to notice this confident aura around me and singleness started to seem like a blessing. I even see now that that period in my life was only shaping me for the eventful life and purposeful relationship abba had in store for me.


There is a beauty that is born from going through the trials that Abba prepares for us. When he says no to that relationship, or that marriage or that job or when he just keeps you waiting and tells you to do nothing. It is going to be discomforting, but those times turn out to be definitely worth it. Now that I know this myself, I just usually would look forward to the woman that would emerge from each phase and I just get to see myself live the incredible life I’ve always secretly desired (adventurous life, great love story, stressfree life😊). And if you have big dreams like me, join me enjoy the pain together as our legs get stronger to walk on great heights.

Abba is Awesome!!!!!